fly trap

Today I tried to kill a fly with a mechanical pencil by trying to simultaneously throw the pencil at, swat it, and stab it.

Guess what?
If you guessed that it didn't work - you'd be right.

What? You still have a blog, let alone an active account?!

Who knew!? I leave for paradise for 5 months, stay for 2 years and in that time break up with old boyfriend, get new bf, no longer have my little puggle George (product of previous relationship) and now live in the wilds of Colorado with said new boyfriend. Phew.
I am NOT going to recap the last 2 years. Needless to say there was a lot of laughs, tears, and activities that really shouldn't be pursued by any self respecting 25-27 year old. Then again, I'm not really your typical self-respecting-that-age-group-person.
I may try to write on this thing more often. But maybe not. I say I'm going to do a lot of stuff and generally fall short. It's inevitable, as much as I wish it wasn't. But if I like to write as much as I claim that I do, perhaps I may. There are a whole lot of "ifs" and "maybes" involved, but I never said I was perfect. I may even try to post some more "serious" writings (does using this word even allow me to be a writer? I'm not going to tackle that now...) I've done in the past few months. Mostly short fiction. I know - you're excited as a cocker spaniel. Try to keep it inside you lunatic.

Stateside Again

So, as many of you know I spent the past 5 weeks in Maho Bay on St. John's in the USVI. I can sum up my time there as PHENOMENAL. I mean, really nothing like it. Such a positive amazing experience.

While I kept a journal the whole time I was there (I wrote in it every day!) I am not sure I want to post all the boring details online. 

Here's one thing I know though - I'm going back in January! I ended up working in the kitchen when I got there, which was AWESOME. I forgot how much I really enjoy the dysfunctionality of a kitchen environment. Like a little warped family. =) So anyway the kitchen manager offered me a month position to come down and do a little hosting/catering to some rich group that comes down all the time. I said yes. The details still need to be hammered out, but it WILL happen. =)

During the 3rd week when everyone started asking if I was staying for season (until June) I initially said no. At the time I was thinking, LA, boyfriend, family etc. etc. - however, by the 4th week I was secretly wishing I had told everyone yes, and by the 5th week it was no secret, I wanted to stay. Maybe once I'm down in Jan. I can figure out a way... I don't know, a lot of "stuff" going on and unsure of what direction I'm headed to worry about that at the moment.

It's been a rather rough adjustment to being back home. I've moved so much in my life that I find it generally v. easy to adapt no matter where I am. This can be both a blessing and curse. While it's good because my "homesick" days last about one week, it's bad because I get used to a place very quickly and come to think of it as home sooner rather than later. This, of course, happened even more easily in Maho. It just opened it's arms up to me and wrapped me up, and has yet to let go. So many amazing people there... that helped too ;)

So here are some things I've had to adjust to/are different since being back:

1. Walls. I was accustomed to being outdoors 100% of the time. Even when I was 'inside' I was still outside, because nothing is a real permanent structure with walls that aren't made out of screens!

2. The weather. I knew I'd be coming home to winter. I say EVERY winter that it will be my last in the cold. This one DEF. will be my last. How could I leave sunny 85 degree weather to come home to icy, windy, cloudy, cold 30 degrees and below? I must done bumped my head.

3. Socks. I normally love socks. I am a big proponent, and I always said that if I ever made it big or had a lot of money my one indulgence would be to wear a new pair of socks EVERY day, because there is nothing like putting on a brand new pair of socks. So cushiony and soft, enveloping your foot in a little pillow of warmth and softness. Anyway, I came back and refused to wear them up until a day or so ago, and I'm still comfortable with the notion. My feet feel like they can't breathe! And to put boots/shoes on top of that?!?! ACK! My feet are screaming GET ME OUT.

4. I had little to no boogers or snot when I was in the islands. I haven't stopped blowing my nose since I landed (granted I came home with a cold, but I believe it would have cleared up V. quickly down there...)

5. I had NO ear wax in St. John. A weird observation, I realize, but true. I use a q-tip every time  I shower and I'm not saying I get like gobs of earwax (that's gross), but it usually feels really good and I have a little to clear or something. NOT while I was at Maho, I swear not one single time was there ANYthing on the q-tip. I'd use it and it would come out clean, so clean I could even use it again if I was so inclined. Since I've returned the ear wax has come back too. So weird.

6. My skin is suddenly DRY. I know part of that is the winter and thus the humidity isn't as great etc. etc. but COME ON. Down there I was applying sunscreen once a day, all over my body. EVERYWHERE. Not only that but then I would add a layer of DEET (do you know what that is?!?! That is SERIOUS bug spray, that's what that is, I wouldn't even call it bug spray, I would say, Poisonous chemicals that I was spraying all over myself) and I would add this layer AT A MINIMUM of 4 times a day, often times more... So my skin was moisturized, tan, and glowing. Not only that, but I broke out close to never. I mean, I think I got like a solo zit maybe, but that's IT. My skin has never looked or felt better. I was smooth and tan and clear. It was incredible. My face esp! I mean, granted, allllllll of my freckles came out (not that I have a shit ton of them, but still...) and that was that. I got burned one time, by no one's fault but my own, and even that faded by THE NEXT DAY - which never happens to me! Me and my skin - HYPER SENSITIVE, to products, to sun, to chemicals, to ANYTHING, but not down there. My sun skin rash never appeared. Not once. It was MAGICAL. Ok, enough about the skin.

7. My back stopped hurting, in fact, everywhere kind of stopped hurting. I mean, aside from my clumsy spills up the wood stairs all over the place, but other than that the little aches and pains were gone! My upper back in my shoulders (where I hold all my stress apparently) - NOTHING. I only just realized because the last few days I've been working for an office and doing data entry in front of a computer all day, and despite the fact that my posture is good, my upper shoulders are KILLING me (and I've only been home a couple weeks). I didn't get as many headaches and my knee didn't even bother be doing 500+stairs every day. 

8. I cried maybe once. (I am generally driving an emotional roller coaster.) Down there? My biggest worry was mosquito bites. And if that's your biggest worry in life? That and what to eat or drink that day... then you're doing alright, ya know? Day to day life down there was just so much simpler. The right things mattered. It was about connecting with other people, and living life the way you want to and just relaxing. People get so worked up for no reason about stupid little things that in the end, matter not. 

Obviously, I can't say enough good things about Maho. It changed my life. I now feel like I can remember who I am. What the important things in life are. Why I love really connecting with people so much. I watched ZERO television down there, read 15 books, watched 5 movies, and spent every night drinking at some point, though not to excess. And spent every waking moment completely happy to be alive. 

Ruminations, Aaron Karo style

Aaron Karo (if you don't know, tell me, and we'll remedy that) asked for submissions so you could ruminate on his up and coming website. Here are my samples. I submitted 3 out of these 4 (had to be 100 words or less):

I saw 2 bearded ladies this past week. I don't think I'd ever seen a bearded lady in the wild before, and here they were wearin' it as if it were the latest trend in fashion. Granted, the first was definitely homeless and there was probably not much she could do about said beard. She had a long goatee and was also sporting a sweet moustache. The other one I saw was seemingly a ‘normal’ tourist. Her's was more of a full-on beard - dark, bushy. I couldn’t decide whether to give her a razor or ask for her number.

I read about a cat in a nursing home that foretells death. I don't know about you, but I'd hate to be living in this nursing home. "Get away from me death cat!!!"
I mean, it doesn't surprise me as animals are the best things in the world and their senses are more in-tune. HOWEVER, I would not want an angel of death cat wandering around as I lay dying. I'd prefer a dog. Cause you know that about an hour after you died that cat will be all up on you trying to eat your face.

I like when co-workers call me while working through something they don’t need me to solve in order to figure out the solution. Somehow I’m connected to said issue and I’m called. I listen as they attempt to fix their problem. They mumble in my ear and I say "uh huh" until they finally reach a conclusion, and say, "Ok. That's better. Thanks Sarah" and I say, "No problem." And I, knowing full well I've done absolutely nothing, hang up the phone with no clue as to what just happened. But hey! Apparently it's fixed! So, uh, well done me!

I'm too nice. While in line for the restroom recently, someone came out and said, "I'm sorry, were you waiting long?" I said something like, "Oh no, just got here, no problem." What I wanted to say was, “I've been waiting 10 minutes for you to finish your epic work poop, thanks a lot, dick! Now I have to pee in a bathroom that smells like the trashcan at taco bell. Oh, and since waiting for you, my bladder has been stretched to immeasurable size. No doubt resulting in my wearing depends at the ripe old age of 32.”

Whelp, I did it.

I sure did. I quit my job. So what? you might think, but you shouldn't, because I've never had to quit an actual job before. What, were you in a convent? Did you live as a prostitute minus the pimp? Have you ever worked a day in your life? And the answers would be No, no, and kind of.
I just mean, that in all my other jobs my reason for leaving was simple - I'm moving! And all of these jobs had the expectation that I would not be staying forever, they always sort of KNEW I'd be moving, and thus, kind of awaited it. That, and the atmospheres of all my former jobs have been MUCH more casual, and MUCH more down to earth than my current "office" situation. Hell, even my real estate job in NYC was easy, mainly because I was an independent contractor and could say, "see ya!" (Though they may still have my license... hmmm. Must look into that.) Anyway, this being a "REAL" job with policies and procedures and not an open feel to it, I had to formally resign, complete with letter of resignation.
Needless to say, I was completely nervous and unsure as how this would go. The whole two days prior I couldn't concentrate and my stomach hurt. Which is weird, because I want to quit. I've wanted nothing better to do that walk out for the past 6 mos., but I stuck it out, and made it work for the time being, and so when the time came around to do the deed, you'd think I'd be more than ready, but truth is, I hate disappointing people. And I knew my boss would be disappointed. And despite the fact that I don't even really like my boss, I STILL felt bad. Ah well, life lesson and all that I suppose. It went fine. He was more than understanding and even quite nice about it. I did the professional "good" thing and painted everything in a positive light, as I am as want to do anyway, and all went fine. I have until October 5th and then I'm FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE of "The Office: Miss Sugah Style" - and then off to the Caribbean for a month and 5 days of paradise! And while I may be cleaning toilets for the next month or so, at least I'll be in an environment that doesn't make me want to find rusty nails on the sidewalk and stick them into my eyes. Huzzah!