The Office - Episode #3 - Bathroom Etiquette Guest Starring Ivana VonVana

And now, a guest spot, which will be going to my good friend Ivana (names are changed to protect my friends from mass murderers scanning the internet for easy targets) :

Miss Sugah, please write a blog re: office bathroom ettiquite.

for example, why is it that everytime i open a stall, there is approx 1 gallon of urine on the seat? this is NOT, contrary to popular belief, a texaco station. there is absolutely no reason a woman should walk in there and start peeing on everything. you work in this establishment and being that you are here for 8+ hours, I'd venture to guess you will frequent that same stall you desecrated at least one more time today. perhaps it is comforting to return and see your urine mixed in with those of your co-workers? the kind of thing upper management would call a team-building experience, no?

also... you had better believe i SEE you walk out of the stall and not wash your hands, Sue*. oh, and i also see you reach your urine-soaked fingers into the m&m bowl during Sally's* make-your-own-ice-cream-sundae birthday celebration in the conference room. that is NOT team-building. that is team germ-spreading.

*names have been changed to protect the unhygenic.

I must also add my own two cents about a phenomena my best friend A. and I like to call, "the work poop." I, being raised a lady and taught not to discuss bodily functions once past the age of five, initially balked at this idea as the whole thing seems incredibly awkward and I try to avoid doing #2 at work at all costs lest someone walk in - the whole thing just weirds me out. I like to use the bathroom in private. HOWEVER, he pointed out such a valid point I forced to concede and now embrace the idea with open arms. The other day he told me he had made approximately $5.00 while pooping at work. WOW! I said. That's amazing! And he was quick to point out that where else on earth can one get paid for pooping?!?! It's the greatest thing ever, and he feels no need to hurry up and get back to his desk, because he is afforded this right to poop at work, and no one will take it away from him damnit! So my position has changed and I say, "Yes! Please, pay me to poop! I can use the time spent in the loo to calculate exactly how much I make a day excreting waste at work!!"