conflicted

So as I have been contemplating a move out to LA for some time now it hit me recently how hard it's going to be. I mean, I know all the expense of moving etc. etc. and stuff like that, but mostly I began to think about my sister and how far apart we'd be. Not that I wouldn't visit home or not that she wouldn't visit me, but still. It won't be easy being so far from her. Far from anyone for that matter. I can't really explain it though because I feel as though I've got to go. Just a feel a pull out there and I've got to listen to that. It becomes a wrestle of doing something for myself and living my life the way I want to live it, but also feeling an obligation of remaining on the East Coast. I know I have to do it now, and it feels right to move out west now rather than 10 yrs from now with who knows what kind of responsibilities... And then of course, I have yet to stay put anywhere very long so chances are I'd be done after a year anyway, but then again, maybe not. I JUST DON'T KNOW.
I don't want to leave my boyfriend and my pup. I don't want to be so far from my mom and sis. I don't want to be even further from my dad. And my grandparents. My whole life is on the East Coast, so why uproot it all and head out west?? I love the East Coast, but I just want to see how the other half lives ya know? I have some friends out there now, I LOVE warm weather, and I am a laid back, relaxed kinda gal, I think it will agree with me. At least for now.
I've got to go. It's either that or back to NY - and while I love NY - I LOVE NY- I want to try a diff. city, some place new as always. If I really am going to be acting, and really acting, and not just saying that while I do something else, then I have got to be in one of those two cities, I really believe that after being in NY then now in Philly. It has to be one of the 2, and I've already lived in one of the places, why not try the other one. I understand that simply the AMOUNT of work out in LA is even more than in NYC because you not ONLY have the theatres, but you have a majority of the television shows, and still the mecca for movies (and I am NOT moving to Canada anytime soon...)
This isn't a very good explanation of anything I'm feeling at all, mainly because it's jumbled and confusing and all over the place, but I still felt the need to mind-dump all over the page because I am feeling so strongly that I want to go, and my roomate and 2 of my best friends will be with me out there, but it has started to sink in that a lot of people I love won't be coming with me. It will be a strain on my relationships with my family, and my boyfriend. It WILL be difficult.
But then, maybe I need that...
sigh...